Monday, August 07, 2006

Fuzzy Logic

I've noticed lately that awareness seems to get encumbered by the weight of things. It seems like fragments of past experiences, dreams half-remembered, echoes of media broadcasts...they all seem to swirl and nest in my present-time consciousness.
It's difficult to gauge or categorize the state this leaves me in...Mentally fatigued? Maybe. Only partially awake? Who knows...It all sounds like a potentially dangerous way to live (or, at least, a recipe for mortality regret. "I could have done SO much more with my time...")
I guess I'm concerned about that fear we probably all harbor...The fear that we're dreaming more than doing. SO many things to peel and mine from my subconscious...So many floating projects with dubious futures...
Anyway...
Certain things seem to pull me out of this self-imposed incubation. Certain tactile feelings...Certain moments...
The night sky as I float in a pool
The feel of the grass in front of Nana's gravestone on my fingers
The smell of a freshly cleaned towel

All part of the ongoing investigation that is my life, I suppose. At least, this time, I had the wherewithal to write it down.

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